Thee Biggest AH HA!

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Artist Unknown

I had a moment of realization in the moment.

Have you ever experienced that?  

I was sitting in a room full of people that I knew, and realized that nobody knew me.  I was sitting amongst people that I loved for a really long time and realized that they never loved me the way I thought they did.  They love me, but they surfaced loved me.

The realization of this hit me hard yet peacefully because I've been working on my perspective of things for a while.  This was a true "AH HA" moment.  My mind played back memories like a highlight reel.  The times I felt like an outcast, not embraced, not a part of the team... None of that was in my head; it was in my heart.

Something in my heart knew then what my mind gracefully accepted in the now.

I overvalued myself in other people's lives.

I thought I was important to them.

I thought they considered me, and I learned that I wasn't even a thought in some cases.

WHO I am connected TO is more important than having a connection WITH ME. 💡

I realized that I was accepted by default, and before I could explain it with words, before my mind realized it, my heart had always known.  My heart has always aimed to protect me for this very moment. The moment of realization.


Had I not been doing the work, the moment it all clicked would have been devastating, but it wasn't.  The realization has brought me comfort.  

I love myself.  I am comforted by that fact.

I protect myself even when I don't know or understand why I am shielding my heart from something; I still listen to my soul.  I care for myself.  I consider my current and future self enough for those who don't.

Being whole has gotten me out of a hole, and for that I am thankful.

SO, now that I know what I know - I can move forward with no malice.  My heart is pure, and I am at peace with not being what I assumed I was to others.  I am ok with that.

I realize that I have to be that to myself.  All that I hoped to be in the eyes of those I love, I am that to myself. I love that for me.  

The "AH HA" that turned into a "HA AHHHH!"